spartans.jpgrating-1.0Who the fuck keeps letting these pieces of shit get made? I mean, I want to start this off being fair and impartial, but that's about as close as I can get when a movie manages to be so stupid and groteque in its vulgarity. Given that it's written and directed by the douchetards that made the unacceptably awful Spy Hard, Date Movie, and Epic Movie. It is an abomination.

Aside from that, it has quite a few good, funny actors, giving decent performances in something that never should have been made in the first place. It also will occassionally throw in a nice touch of Zucker Brothers-style absurdist humor, but most of it is buried amidst the shitpile of vomitting, ball jokes, and pop culture references entirely unsuited to the rest of the parody material. Also, credit really should be given for the art direction to manage such a dead-on recreation of the look of 300, which was a beautiful movie and spent much of its budget accomplishing that look. To match the look of 300 so perfectly on such a small scale is worth a mention. But that's about all that was done well.

Everything else is just rambling one-liners that reference current TV shows, "appearances" by all sorts of celebrity cunts like Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, more spraying bodily fluids, and so many gay jokes that it hurts my soul. Oh my god! Those guys from 300 were such a bunch of faggots! LOL! Buttfucking! Homos! LMAO! Yeah... I get it. I won't get into any of the historical and cultural differences between their society and ours, which would be totally lost on anyone that would actually watch this movie. It was mildly homoerotic and there were a bunch of muscled and half-naked buddies hanging out, so therefore we must have 90 minutes of fag jokes. Oh so hilarious, douchebags. Glad you didn't use up all your talent on Scary Movie's severely unfunny script (which was then rewritten by the Wayans Brothers to be only marginally unwatchable).

I can't quite imagine why some of these actors would read the script and then do this film. Or why so many "MadTV" cast members would debase themselves like this. Oh, yes I do. It's the money and having their name on a theatrically-released movie. Poor Kevin Sorbo and Diedrich Bader. They can do better.

I can only hope the diminishing financial returns on these films prevent any more from being made. Because these one-note, unfunny bouts of assclownery only prove that the taste and intellect levels of movie viewers is dividing into ever more seperate camps of people who enjoy sharp and funny (though often vulgar) comedies and those who like half-witted and cheap jokes about bodily fluids and faggots.

If you're smart, you won't watch this movie. For all of us.

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